nothing fits

personal diary


I just got my period about 3 hours ago. I wasn’t expecting it because it’s not due in 10 more days. But alas, it’s here and there’s nothing I can do about it but to just wait for it to pass and right now, I’m just feeling too tired, too ugly, too hungry.

This too shall pass, darling.

Nothing that I do has been right these past few days. I’m always feeling agitated, annoyed, over sensitive and I cried at a cafe because I was just… annoyed about feeling annoyed.

A bunch of new, absolutely beautiful clothes arrived sometime last week and I could not have felt more sad. Nothing seems to fit. That’s what usually happens when my body bleeds. Nothing is right. I feel like a goddamn elephant, I’m bloated and I’m an emotional mess. I’ve been going through menstrual cycle for almost two decades now and every single month, this old feeling will come and my whole world will just crumble to the floor. Books that I read, every movies that I watch will only make me sad because everything is just so fucking emotional and confusing. It sucks. It really, really sucks.

Met an old friend for a drink earlier and I totally lost the plot. The whole night, my new jeans weren’t even buttoned. We talked about how people feel this need to always look so happy on social media. It’s a lie. We all know it’s not true. No one could be happy every-fucking-day. We’re all human. We’re made to feel things. To have emotions. If you’re happy, say you’re happy. If you’re sad, say that you’re sad. I know I have a lot to be happy about and I’m grateful. But it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to let your emotions consume you sometime. There need to be a balance between happiness and sadness because one won’t work without the other.

I know. You know. We all know.

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