700 Days

personal diary

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23 months is 700 days or so and that’s how long I’ve been running away from emotional commitment. I’ve been dodging it at all cost. I quite like the idea of sailing through the years single, with men for fun along the way. That makes me sound like a horrible person. But unexpectedly, at the height of my pessimism, negativity and doubts, I met Michael. On our second date, we had Thai dinner and talked about nothing that is now everything. We shared a hug at a street corner in Sukumvhit 11, he held my hand and did not let go for the next 3 days. But it wasn’t until we parted ways and I was waiting to board my flight back, I realised this man wasn’t simply for fun. I was half expecting him to stop texting me anyway. But he’s still here and here I am too, and I know it seems like I hopped from one man to the next and in a way I did but there was so much doubt and hesitation between. It’s not that I’m afraid of being alone, I didn’t date for two entire years to learn how to be alone but happily so. Michael was simply life happening when I’m looking the other way. I wasn’t searching for him. There is a serene rhythm in a space where our lives now intertwined. He is easy and he was easy to fall in love with despite my inner gloom and doubts towards relationship, I glide right into love with him. Wow, I’m in love. In love and shocked to even say that, to my Mom, to you and especially written down rather permanently here. So here’s what I’ve learned, love is like a breeze. You don’t go looking for it, you have to wait. And when it comes, it’s best to let it take you away. So, with my doubts simply as a shadow behind me and with a man better than any I’ve ever met, I say embrace the people that come your way. They very well could turn into perfection. You’ll never know if you say no.

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21 days later

personal diary

Studies claim it takes 21 days to form a habit. I believe it. I’ve had so many in my life. It’s simply part of growing up. 21 days is how long I’ve known this man. Out of nowhere, he became a habit, like cigarettes, or my morning coffee, or me chewing on ice cubes. I never, ever anticipated this. After 2 loveless years and a series of dating disasters, I became weary, and pessimistic, and numb, and doubtful. I always expect the worst and nothing else. 21 days ago, he arrived unexpectedly and quite suddenly into my life. And 4 days later, on a whim, I packed a suitcase and travelled 740 miles to be with him. I went right ahead. I did not think. I liked him immediately and everything is a mess, not one on the floor, but the beautiful kind. I am carried away and I know that. Everything happened so fast and to be honest, I am scared. But one can never know now, can we, darling? So I won’t say no. But yes instead to the I love yous, I miss youslet’s go away togetherscome meet my friends, come meet my parents and other whims. I am not an example to live by. I am just a girl who wants a grand story of a life, with many, many chapters. Roll your eyes, I don’t care. Life is short and it’s once and it should be nothing less than amazing. I hope you remember that. I hope you will too, give in to whims from time to time. Know that we are not as in control as we think we are. We can never know the magic that can happen between ourselves and other people. So, leave. Leave all apprehensions at the door and explore the limits of our inner beings.