TIME AWAY

personal diary

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I spend a lot of time alone but happily so. You see, I am an extrovert to an extent but I also love my solitude. Even though I have several gangs, I would still disappear for days and re-emerge for important meet-ups or parties. Some of you may know that I’ve gotten engaged with a man that I really, really love. The engagement was simple but most importantly, real. There wasn’t any orchestra or rose petal rain from a helicopter, there wasn’t any dramatized element to it. We were in Singapore, in our hotel room after breakfast when he popped the question. I have not showered, in my favourite grey sweater, he went down on both his knees, hands trembling (he was so nervous) and told me that I made him very, very happy and would I do him the honours to be his wife. I was floored and I said YES. Yes to marrying you, Michael Grudziecki. Yes to marrying you. I sobbed and laughed simultaneously. There isn’t even a picture or a video of the whole thing, but it still lingers in my mind. It’s the kind of memory that will always glow, the one that you can pull up and wrap around when life is slow.  To me, it was perfect. I will also be moving to Germany end of this year. I am absolutely excited about hauling my belongings across the world and start anew. To be honest, this place is frustrating. While I am a happy soul, my city confuses me, mainly the people existing on it. It is a frustrating city to live in. I am not complaining, there is no such thing as a perfect place and there are many, many things that I love about this city too. Everything came to me this week and by the end of it, I was absolutely overwhelmed by how underwhelmed I was with people who often seemed to be placed in my life to taunt me. I couldn’t face this city so I cancelled all my weekend plans for a solitary one instead. Time alone to move slow is exactly what I need. Jean Paul Sartre was right in No Exit when he asserted that hell is indeed, other people. The only FOMO I was experiencing on Friday night was fear of missing out on time away from everyone. Dinners, the city, the restaurants, the bars will always be there on rotation but time alone is hard to squeeze in.

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